Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Leah's Room

Remember 6 months ago when I wrote about wanting all the EB supplies out of my house?

Well, then why does Leah's room still look like this:

That is just a small amount of what we used to have.  We took the boxes that were for Jonah and Tripp to the UPS store right after Leah passed - but most of these are going to Leslie Radar, who then organizes supplies for families that need them.   Although going through them just now, I did miss one for Jonah - sorry buddy!!

I think I'm stalling for several reasons.  One: it is, understandably, depressing to be in her room.  Even though she only ever took 1 nap in her room, it is still Leah's room.  

When we want to store something in there for the time being we'll say 'Put it in Leah's room'.  It's hers, and it's full of her stuff, but not her.  So we're not exactly going in there a lot.  
Secondly, if I finally take the boxes to the UPS store, well then I'm kind of beholden to clean up and organize the rest of her room - which would be ... you guessed it: depressing.  

It's somewhat organized, her closet is full of Tupperware tubs, more tubs are lined up against one wall .... each one full of different things.  But, if one day I wondered: "Where is that Elmo doll she loved so much?", I wouldn't know exactly where to go.   Some tubs have blankets and clothes, some have clothes she never wore, some have clothes that have been 'stained' with Alwyn cream and Aquaphor.  (EB moms will know what I mean .... that stuff is impossible to get out).  

Overall I'd like to separate everything out.  Toys she loved (that we'd never give to another baby), clothes she wore (that I'd never put on another baby, not to mention that I'd like to use them to make into a quilt), blankets she loved (again, for a quilt), toys that were never opened.  I have toys still in their Christmas wrapping paper ....... I can't bear to open them but the sight of unopened Christmas presents might be the saddest thing ever.  Hence, I didn't even take a picture of them.....  

Not every memory of Leah's room is bad though ...... 
I remember the pre-trach days: after her 7 o'clock-ish bath we'd go up to her room and that's where I'd do any bandages she needed (which at that time - weren't that many - so few, in fact, it was easy to do her dressings myself), diaper and cream her up, wrap her in a blankie and then downstairs we'd go for a warm bottle and cuddle time.   Which was my favorite time of all....


Milles Family said...

Man, I couldn't imagine having an empty room. Prayers are headed your way. I love the idea of the quilt...what a special heirloom to have!

Janel said...

You should not feel pressure to do anything with her room. You wait until you are ready. And if that takes an eternity then that is fine too!

Love you girl!

Holly said...

I'm sure it won't be easy when you decide to go through her room. So much stuff and so many memories. ((hug))

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