The new blog design is a-brewing

I got a sneak peak of the new blog tonight .... I am so stoked to share it with everyone!!!  It'll probably 'go live' on or around the weekend.  I still have to do some work on my end, as far as some writing, editing, 'tweaking', etc.  


But I'll give you some clues as to the new look ...... it'll have it's healthy dose of purple (duh), a few butterflies here and there (duh), cute pictures of Leah (wait ... wasn't every picture of Leah cute?).  OK so the clues aren't really helping ..... I'll just give you a fact: there will be 4 small pictures of Leah in the header and 2 are ones that I don't think anyone has ever seen.  


Cliffhanger!

enter interesting blog title here

Well, we're coming up on 6 months since we said goodbye to Leah.  I can hardly believe it.  I don't know whether it's due to the fact that I was in a hazy fog for the first months after she passed, or the way the days blend into one another now that I'm back at work -- but it seems like it was just yesterday that I was home with Leah. I feel like I'll wake up tomorrow at 6:45 to relieve Nurse Anne, spend the first few hours prepping bottles and bandage supplies, get Leah up and changed around 9:30, spend our day playing, reading, cuddling, napping .....

I would so easily go back to those days for myself.  Living as a stay-at-home-Mom is not an affront to feminists; I understand that now.  I was where I belonged: home with my daughter who needed me more than anyone or anything else.  

But for Leah: I know we can't go back to those days.  I wouldn't trade her peace for anything in the world.

  

Lets see ............ what else .................

I'm having the blog professionally redone in the upcoming days.  I feel the need to give it an overhaul.  I don't really know why.  I'd like to start using it as every other blogger on the planet uses their blogs; as a sort of online journal - and for some reason it's current look doesn't inspire me like it used to.   

But I'd also like to start writing a bit more honestly.   I think sometimes I skirt some feelings and issues because of who reads this - and I have to stop that.  

Jeff and I are still smoke-free!  I'm coming up on a month of being smoke-free, and Jeff will be hitting the 3 week mark.  I'm way more proud of him than I am of myself.  Having quit before; I knew what I was getting into - I knew I'd have those moments at work where all I wanted to do was get away from my desk and go have a smoke.  But I also knew my hair would smell so much better.  Jeff didn't really know what it is to quit - and believe me, he was NOT fun to live with for that first week.  

Sammie (our puppy) has become a woman.  We noticed late last week that she had entered her first heat cycle.  She'll be spayed soon ... I thought I had time .... she's only 7 months old!!  It's not as bad as living with a cat in heat though.  Man ..... that's rough.  The crying .... the rolling on the floor ..... the 'presenting' of their back to be scratched ...... the incessant meowing ..... the peeing on my dry-clean only feather bed.  With Sammie it's just a bit of cleanup (if you know what I mean).  

I had to take her to the vet on Friday for a booster shot and she was growling at the vet!! Talk about hormones!

Our garden for Leah is struggling with this current heat wave we're going through here in Maryland.  It's ridiculous.  I'd have to water everything about 5 times a day to keep ahead of the damage the 95 degree weather is doing.  And that's hard to do with a job and everything.  
Certain things are thriving (the lantana) while others are wilting away to clumps of dryness (the lavender).  
Then again, I told you I have a brown thumb. 

Daddies Day

Happy Father's Day To Two of the

Best Father's In The World!

Leah's Daddy .................. and my Daddy

First, to Jeff:

Thank you for being you.  From the beginning of 2009 to the end of that incredibly trying year, you were there for me, and more importantly; for Leah.  Whether it was taking me to my non-stress tests while pregnant, holding my hand during the C-section, watching over Leah in the NICU while I was recovering, or keeping me sane, and keeping Leah smiling during the months that followed; you were always there. I couldn't have done it alone.  You were, are and will be a great Dad to Leah and any little one's that will make Leah a big sister.

"Daddy please don't look so sad, momma please don't cry.

Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and He sings me lullabies.

Please try not to question God, don't think He is unkind.

Don't think He sent me to you and then changed His mind.

You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.

I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.

I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.

Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.

That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.

Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,

Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.

So daddy don't looks so sad and momma please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies!"

And lastly ... (but not leastly) .... my Daddy!


I couldn't say it any better than this poem does:


God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it...
Dad


Happy Father's Day Pop!
I know you're working on Sunday so I won't make the drive up to see you - but I love you very, very much and I'll see you guys soon!!
Leah and I hope you have an amazingly great day; on Father's Day and everyday!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

 

Real Angel Wings for Leah

I've seen these wings on several other blogs - but just recently found out how to go about getting a set made for Leah...........

Leah's Wings

Please visit Leanne's blog to read about her Angel Wings project - though it will break your heart to see how many of these she makes .....

Angel Wings Memorial Boutique

Garden for Leah

I don't have much of a green thumb - but for the past week or so Jeff and I have been trying to make the front of the house into a little garden for Leah.


I ordered 6 butterfly bushes from this site at one heckuva discount (like $40, including delivery, when ordinarily it would have been well over $100 for just the plants)  - but they have yet to establish and bloom - so in the meantime; here is some of what our garden looks like:

Butterfly Solar Light

Butterfly Welcome Mat - and Sammie wondering just what in the world I'm doing outside taking pictures of flowers instead of inside playing with her.  

(And proof for those of you that have been over our house that she *can* calmly sit at the door as opposed to humping the glass to greet you).


I wonder what Leah would think of the garden ..........

"Me likey pink!!!"

For the weekend, I am excited to give my car a thorough cleaning.  Inside and out.  Soaping up the outside and vacuuming the inside.  Why?  (You may ask, thinking that's the lamest thing in the world to be excited about for a weekend).  Well, it's because as of last Thursday (when I was sick with tonsillitis), I have officially quit smoking.  And thus, the backseat of my car will no longer be home to a small city of ash remnants, and my floorboards can be clear of  all plastic wrappers.  (I am a neat freak in most aspects of my life .... but when it comes to my car I've always slacked).

I've smoked since college (but of course did not smoke while pregnant - and never around Leah), but Jeff and I are quitting together this time.  He is using Chantix, and it seems to be working great for him.  I did it cold turkey; but I've always said that smoking was more of a stress-reliever/time-filler of a habit than an addiction.

Chantix has been known to give some people weird and violent dreams; which Jeff has had -- but I guess it's worth it.  ; )